How I Turned My Life Around By Turning To Fitness

Two years ago I found myself staring in the mirror at a young woman who I didn't recognize. Of course, it was me, but how I got to this point wasn't a mystery. I knew exactly what had happened. And I went along with it for those first three years of my college experience. My reflection was the result of a binge lifestyle I had adapted and turned to, in order to get away from myself. You're probably thinking, "why would you want to get away from yourself?". And the truth is, I really didn't know at the time it was all happening, it took me a while to figure out I was running from my inner demons and battles with depression and anxiety. Not only that, but my extreme insecurity that I had been dealing with since I was in middle school.

I was approaching 200 pounds and I had no idea who I was anymore. Yes, I was me, and I knew that. But I didn't KNOW KNOW me anymore... Ever since I was a little girl I played sports; softball, basketball, soccer, volleyball, etc. You name it, I did it. But I've always had an issue with body dysmorphia. I always thought I was fat, even though I had grown out of my chubby child phase around age 13, and had an athletic young woman's body. Regardless, I perceived my athletic body as bigger, in comparison to my friends that I grew up with who didn't have the muscle and build that I did. You're probably thinking to yourself, "okay, yeah, literally everyone has had that issue at some point or another". And while that may be true, this voice in the back of my head that kept telling me I was worthless, fat, ugly, too tall, had chubby thighs, had too much acne, stayed INSIDE my head for TEN years. From age 12 to 22 I was miserable inside. I didn't think anyone would ever notice me, or love me for me. Even though this was the furthest thing from the actual truth, I couldn't shake it.

In my first three years of college, I was ultra-consumed by how my body looked, which led to issues with anxiety and depression. I had started working in a restaurant my sophomore year and was introduced pretty heavily into the partying scene; which included, staying up all night and doing things my parents wouldn't be proud of. This made my anxiety and depression snowball, but of course, being naive and all, I wasn't aware of it at the time. The partying, sleep deprivation, and fueling my body with things that weren't nutritious, led to weight gain and a general unhappiness within myself. This was a vicious cycle I kept up with for 3 years, and the results were a 40 pound weight gain, failing out of school, as well as depression and anxiety issues I had to get under control.

The whole failing out of college thing was pretty devastating to my parents and family. They had worked so hard to sacrifice everything for me in order to make sure my tuition and rent were paid for; on time, and in full. I felt like I had let the whole world down. And the worst part was, I had to move back home. And face them. It was challenging at first. Obviously, because I felt like the biggest loser in the world, but also because I had completely lost who I was and what I valued. I had pushed my family away while I was up in Boone losing control, and I forgot what the big picture was... Getting an education and having opportunities that my parents never had.

Most of all, I just felt BLEGH. I was overweight, majorly depressed, getting over my first ever break up, and felt like the world was crashing down around me. I felt small.

I knew I had to start somewhere. So, I dug deep. I wanted to change the way I felt on the inside, and I wanted to get healthier, in order to change my appearance on the outside. I turned to my athletic roots, got a gym membership, and it was game on from there. It had been so long since I worked out, but I needed to find a routine I could stick with. I had always hated running, and at nearly 200 pounds it's hard to just pick up running again. So I started slow and set goals that I knew I could attain. Cardio was going to be a struggle, but I got myself on the treadmill and decided to believe in myself.

Here's how I started:

1.​ Treadmill workout for 30 minutes. This sounds intimidating for beginners, but I promise you, it takes more courage to walk through that gym door than anything.

Trust me on this process. If it worked for ME, I know it will work for YOU!

a. For the first 10 minutes walk at an incline of 8-10 with a pace of 3.0 mph. b. Then put yourself back down to a 0 incline and walk at your normal pace of anywhere from 3.0 - 3.5 mph for 2 minutes. This is considered your recovery/rest. c.​ Then for the next 8 minutes increase your incline back up to 10 and continue at a 3.0 mph, focusing on your leg and gluteal muscles. This will put you at the 20 minute mark of the 30 minute cardio workout... Meaning... you're more than halfway done!!! d.​ At the 20 minute mark put your incline back down to 0 and walk at a pace of 3.0 - 3.5 mph for 2 minutes. Another rest... YAY!!! e. For the last 8 minutes you are going to run for as long as you can, at a comfortable speed. I started at 5.5 mph and would run, at the beginning, for only 2 minutes. This is NORMAL. You have to build up your stamina and endurance. Take it slow. Once you practice this method your lungs and heart rate will pick up with you and you will be able to go faster, for longer periods of time!

2.​ Stretch!

a. This is where heart rate recovery comes into play and it's kind of like a mini break, but it is so important! After working your body for 30 minutes you need to stretch out your muscles, if not it could result in an injury where you would endure a setback on your fitness journey.

3.​ Start with simple strength training exercises.

a.​ Do not be afraid of the free weight station, or the cable machines. If the big guys look at you like you don't belong, stare back at them... right in the eyes, and they'll back off, I promise you. Also, if you're bumping some powerhouse music in your earbuds, it'll make it way easier to do. b.​ Go up and grab anywhere from a 5 lb. - 10 lb. weight, just to start out with! you can always work yourself up to a higher weight. And, you don't want to injure yourself by overdoing it during the beginner stage. c.​ Follow instagram influencers who are fitness gurus. They always have videos for beginners who need the guidance. My favorite is @ashleigh_jordan, she is real about her journey, and posts the best videos of the workouts she does. She also includes a tip on how to do the move correctly so you achieve an optimal workout that will benefit you! d. I started out with shoulder pumps to help define my shoulders and neck, and if you research any shoulder workouts you will find a plethora of workouts you can do with free weights or with your own body weight.

This is just a simple guide to how I started my own journey. Everyone has a different journey with fitness, and no(body) is the same. Do what feels right for you, and make sure you do it for yourself. Your opinion of you is the only one that matters because you fall asleep and wake up with yourself EVERY. DAY. I started this journey to feel better about myself. That was my "why". Everyone has their own "why".

I can promise you that you will feel better, partly because working out releases endorphins into your body that make you feel GOOD! Once you start to see the changes, big or small, you will feel so accomplished.

Here is a before and after photo showing my progress. And always remember: be kind.